Monsters
by Kelixir
Summary: It’s Halloween and Bella has a very different idea about what monsters are


Monsters--It's Halloween and Bella has a very different idea about what monsters are

a/n: This is slightly different than my other ones. I promise to get back to that style with my next one but I wanted a little humor for this Halloween inspired ficlet. Please review! and, if you like this one, find my other ones at my profile! And I promise to start getting my beta to read these now that I've gotten her hooked on the Twilight series!

Again, this probably doesn't fit the timeline so I'll safely label this non-canon.

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The last of the rain slowly slid down the window panes taking with it my hopes for a peaceful evening. Already I could see porch lights flicker on along the street offering the telltale sign of what was to come. If the rain could have held off for two more hours, two measly hours, all would have been well but sadly, luck was not on my side for tonight.

Jumping when the doorbell rang, my fear quickly subsided when I heard the voice that greeted Charlie. A smile came to my face as Edward strolled into the room, provisions in hand to get me through the night, Charlie close on his heels with a look of contempt marring his features.

"I don't think the boogeyman rings the doorbell, Bella," Charlie joked, catching my apprehension.

"No, she'll just climb through my window," I mumbled, the reference to Victoria not lost on Edward like it was on Charlie.

Edward's eyes tightened; he was acutely aware that my elevated heartbeat wasn't due completely to his presence like usual.

I let a smile warm my face in spite of myself and greeted him with a hug, allowing my body to conform to his side and locking my hands behind his back so he couldn't escape. The desire to stay like this for the rest of time increased in me with every passing second and he chuckled slightly into my hair as I tightened my grasp further.

"Where's the rest of your family, Edward?"

He turned to face Charlie and explained that his siblings were enjoying one last hike which of course meant they were hunting and that Esme had gone with Carlisle to the hospital to help x-ray candy bags.

The doorbell rang again and I cringed. Charlie must have left the porch light on after answering the door for Edward and I turned my wrath-filled eyes to his sympathetic ones.

I ordered, "You better go fish out some chili cans or cereal or something from the cabinets because I didn't pick anything up for them."

Edward held up his left hand which was grasping three over-stuffed grocery sacks and smiled. "I came prepared. No one ever bothers to brave the forest to come to our house so I thought I'd use yours as a surrogate." He gently pushed me away, far too easily for my strongest, vice-like grip, and walked to the door.

Begrudgingly, I drug my feet after him and watched as he brightly opened my house to three-foot-tall menaces.

"Trick or treat!" The off-key chorus of a ghost, princess and fairy grated my nerves as I leaned against the door jamb to the den and watched as Edward plucked out three full-sized candy bars and dropped them into corresponding bags.

"Have fun!" He waved as they thanked him with wide eyes and then jumped from the porch.

Charlie chuckled as he pulled on his Captain's jacket and gave my shoulders a quick side-armed hug. "I'm picking up an extra patrol tonight. Making sure none of your friends misbehave." He looked pointedly at Edward. "So be expecting me to come by a few times tonight."

Edward grinned in response and held the door open wider for dad.

We were back in the den, the cruiser long gone from the driveway and the second round of trick-or-treaters checking their loot on the front lawn before I asked, "Don't you find this day…absurd? Kids running around like they're, well, like you?"

Pulling his mouth to one side, he thought a moment. "I seem to recall a certain female that wishes to become a monster."

My eyes narrowed and I crossed my arms over my chest.

Putting his hands up in surrender, he sidestepped, "Really, ninety plus years of Halloween have made me indifferent to the whole event. I just want you to have a norm—"

"Normal human experience," I finished then added, "one which I completely hate and can't wait to be rid of."

He frowned his patented "don't disappoint me, Bella" frown and came to my side, wrapping his arms around me as he pulled me to the couch. "Ready for a movie?"

"Depends. Did you bring popcorn?"

"Of course."

"And what to watch?"

He hopped to his feet, plucking the popcorn from the sack before handing me the movies; he was in the kitchen before I could see his reaction but upon inspecting the choices, my groan that triggered his laughter was enough to mentally see the glowing smile on his face.

"Like my selections?" he asked from the doorway.

"_An American Werewolf in London, Steven King's Silver Bullet _and_ Cujo._ Gee, interesting message. Subtle, but interesting." I tossed the movies onto the side table and dropped my head against the back of the couch watching him from the corner of my eyes. "Cujo wasn't a werewolf."

His smile widened. "Couldn't resist. It's about a good dog that goes bad. It couldn't control itself."

"Jake doesn't have rabies."

"Yet. So, no to the movies?"

I shook my head and held out my hand to him.

His mouth thinned to a tight line as he walked over and pulled me to my feet. "That's okay. I didn't want to watch a movie tonight anyway."

Instantly, my heart started to race. "What did you have in mind?"

He chuckled, "Not that. Besides," he stopped just before the doorbell rang and left me—again—to tend to the little monsters. "You know," he said, when he came back, the popped popcorn bag in hand, "you better start helping me with this."

"Or what?" I challenged.

He flashed me a wicked grin and leapt to my side gracefully, wrapping his arms tightly around me which of course made me gasp.

"What, dear Bella? Frightened?"

"Is that your plan? To scare me? Werewolf movies and close proximity to vampires isn't going to cut it. It's too mundane." Just then the power went out and I screamed, wrapping my arms tightly around Edward's middle.

"But the power going out is the terror of a lifetime?" He quipped.

I disentangled my arms from around his waist and crossed them over my chest in anger, waiting for him to let me go but he stubbornly held on with a smirk on his face. From outside the window, a low ethereal moan began in the front and then traveled to the back of the house. It was enough to make my heart rate speed up but also to make my suspicion level increase.

"Is this when you tell me ghosts and witches are real too?" I asked flippantly. Something flashed in my peripheral vision, a sparkle of white and I jumped again, wrapping my arms back around Edward's neck, his nose pressed against the apple of my cheek. His grip tightened around my waist, lifting me slightly to my toes.

I stamped as much of my foot as I could. "I don't think it's funny to spook me--especially with that red-headed menace out there wanting my blood."

He held me securely with one hand and moved his other to cup my cheek. "What? You're not going to let _me_ enjoy this human tradition? Protective boyfriend defends scared girlfriend from things that go bump in the night."

"Did you plan this?" I asked innocently, turning to look into his eyes.

He adjusted his grip and held me so our foreheads and noses touched. The smile in his gaze was all I needed for an answer but he explained, "All I told them was that I wanted you to have a frightful but tame Halloween. Nothing much scares you when you _are_ the monster." His smile faltered, "Well, there is _one_ thing but we're not thinking about her tonight. This is good, wholesome fun."

I laughed. "Wholesome fun with a bunch of vampires. Okay, I'm game."

His hand threaded into my hair and his mouth puckered out to touch mine before he maneuvered my head to deepen the kiss. His icy tongue ran along my hot lips in a figure eight pattern and then traced the same line back, slower this time, thoughtful, like he was trying to memorize the exact taste of every spot of my lips. My brain instantly went mushy and as much as I wanted him to continue kissing me, I had other vampires to deal with. He tilted my head back slightly, stretching out my neck, allowing me to gulp air hungrily.

"Is it Alice?" I asked shallowly.

He nodded his head slowly against my neck making the hair on the back of my neck stand.

"Emmett and Jasper?" I said shakily. "So the camping thing was a ruse for Charlie?"

He nodded again, kissing my neck slowly from collarbone to jaw line where he lingered at my ear. He exhaled slowly, lifting the hair lightly on my neck and making me shiver.

"You're making it difficult to form a plan."

Finding my lips again, he whispered between long kisses, "Maybe that's part of the deal I struck with them. She's ready."

He grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the kitchen where I could see a wavering light flicker on the ceiling over his head. Leading me into the room, he took a side step revealing his pixie sister sitting in a gypsy-like costume, a crystal ball before her on the table as she watched me with sparkles in her eyes.

"Holy crow," I grumbled earning a warning tone from Edward. I plastered on a fake smile and took a seat across from her. "Tell me, Madam Alice, what do you see for my future?" I caught Edward shoot Alice a warning gaze and her smile grew wider.

"Vell, my dear," she giggled and waved her hands over the clear orb before continuing in her normal voice, "I see you living a very, very, very long life, with a handsome young man who loves you fiercely."

"Alice," I interrupted, "none of that it news to me."

She wrinkled her perfect nose.

"Play nice, Bella," Edward warned, stealing a quick kiss on my cheek.

I nodded and she continued.

"I see something that will excite your beating heart tonight, something…funny, and something…," she frowned and finished flatly, "horrifying. I'm done playing."

I mirrored her expression mumbling, "Some fortune."

Edward exhaled disappointedly and guided me out of the house to the nearby woods, holding my hand as I delicately picked my way over the uneven path. I found my mind wandering to a b-rate slasher flick that I'd caught one night when Renee was at one of her short-lived, mystery writing club gatherings. In the movie, the head cheerleader and star jock found themselves stumbling through the woods after their late night personal "pep rally" was interrupted by a banshee. I found myself wishing that Edward was reenacting a different part of the movie.

He chuckled softly beside me.

I blanched. "Did you read my thoughts?"

"I only wish. But I can hear others. I'm beginning to think this wasn't such a great idea."

To our left a big, black mass jumped from the shadows and let out a rib-rattling growl. Furry and ragged, he looked like a dog that had been sent through the dryer for a few days.

I jumped. "Emmett!"

"Aww. She ruined it!" He dropped his arms in disappointment. "She's not scared at all by this!"

I rubbed the back of my neck and moaned, "Did you honestly think that would scare me?"

"What?! Edward asked me to dress as the most ugly, hideous thing I could."

I glanced sideways at Edward and admired how void of emotion his face was—a talent that, at this moment as I looked back at a disappointed, mammoth vampire, I wish I could master. Unfortunately, seeing Emmett dressed in a rather poor imitation of a werewolf costume brought back the absurdity of the day. "Ugly and hideous. You didn't think of zombies? Mummy? Doesn't Frankenstein jump to your 6 foot 5 mind?"

"Not really."

Alice laughed--Edward was chuckling as well--and explained, "Well, it made your heart race and is funny, isn't it?"

"And exactly what Edward asked for if you ask me," Emmett said under his breath.

I groaned and stumbled across the path away from the others. "That leaves something horrifying. What's left?" I wondered, stepping around a large tree where another furry figure startled me but didn't try to scare me. In fact, he was leaning against the evergreen, arms crossed casually over his chest.

"Jasper," I griped, turning away from his version of a werewolf to face Edward and the others. There was obvious mirth in their eyes and I felt the need to squash it down. "It's fine. Actually, it's the best Halloween I've had in a while."

Edward was at my side instantly, his arms snug around my waist. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. I'd rather spend the day with werewolves over vampires anyway."

There was a collective hissing noise from the group of Cullens and Alice clarified, "…the horrifying."

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a/n: there it is, y'all. Happy Halloween!


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